dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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