How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
