used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
