someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is Oprah even human
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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