the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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