I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Porn is love you can see.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
