I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
