Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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