Your tits are I can't wait for
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
