And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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