yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
