She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
