just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
