dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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