Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
