hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Drake has all the answers
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
