Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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