I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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