so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
