i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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