I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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