Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
