the condom got lost in my hair
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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