my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
