I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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