between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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