Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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