do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
