My underwear smells like fireworks.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize