the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
