It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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