I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
