A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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