I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
