Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
