well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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