in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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