Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
