Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
