I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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