Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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