we're blogging at a bar
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
