just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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