My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
