How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
