I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
