Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
