apparently the secret to your success is patron
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He has the fingertips of a God
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