when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
