I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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